But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9.

I have always been known as a strong salty gal. I can juggle fifty things at once and have dinner on the table at five. My attitude is typically “I got this.” Two PA jobs? No problem. Teaching science on the side? Heck yes. Homeschooling my kids? Not a problem. Volunteering? Let me grab my calendar. I have a thing for chaos. Its who I am. I am strong. Hear me roar.

Until I’m flattened.

Recently I have been struggling with vertigo attacks and residual balance issues that have quite literally turned my world upside down.  I was told by my ENT that I might have Meniere’s disease. But he’s not sure. Turns out $1000’s of tests buys you a shoulder shrug in the vertigo department.

I have despaired, cried out at the unfairness of it all, tried to put on a brave face. (Others have it worse Tammie, suck it up girl!) But the truth is, I don’t got this. I am weak. I don’t like feeling so strange. I hate the ringing in my ears. I don’t want to deal with the constant sensation of living in a not so fun fun house. I HATE fun houses.

Christians are not promised we will have it easy. We are actually told we won’t. I am not a believer in the prosperity gospel that teaches if you work hard at loving God and obeying all the “rules” you will be healthy and wealthy. That’s a bunch of hogwash. “Good” people face hard things all the time. Divorce, death, job loss, cancer, chronic pain, diabetes, I could go on. With this condition I have been dealt a crappy hand, no doubt. But I live in a broken world and hardship is on everyone’s agenda whether we like it or not.

I have been through very VERY hard things in my life. And one thing that strikes me over and over again is not only how I am held by God, but I am held by his people. You see He commands us to bear one another’s burdens. And its extremely humbling to be on the receiving end of the love of His people living out their faith. My small group has prayed over me, cried with me, and supported me. My friends have wrapped their arms arms around me. The beauty of their love far exceeds any pain or suffering I am experiencing. Its almost as if not only is Christ made perfect in our weakness, but believers also get the opportunity to really shine.

We are the body of Christ. And this reality becomes apparent when the body wraps its arms around one of its members and holds on tight.

And friends can remind you of truth. My friend prayed that I would be healed. Would you believe this never occurred to me? Well ok I have begged God to make it go away. But if I were honest with myself I would acknowledge that it wasn’t done with a spirit of belief that He would. I sort of figured God should focus on someone with worse problems. How arrogant is that? “Here God, let me prioritize your agenda for you.” Love, Tammie.

At a minimum I know that chronic issues are, well, chronic after all. And I have seen people handle cancer, chronic illness, and pain with inspiring courage. So of course I feel I should buck it up and deal with it. But that mentality can lead to a pride issue: Look at me, I am so strong, I can handle this, God. I will add it to my to-do list: put on a brave face and deal with crappy illness and make everyone proud of how strong I am.

But no, my friend reminded me of when Daniel prayed for his son to be healed. And he was. It was convicting for me and got me thinking about the other times God straight up healed someone. And it offered me hope. Maybe little ole Tammie is worth healing?

I am thankful that God has reminded me that I never ever should dare to try to make it through this world on my own steam. And I am the number one person to try to do that. Being brought to a place of weakness physically reflects my need to truly trust and rely on Him.

In 2 Corinthians Chapter 12, Paul describes begging God to remove the thorn. Three times. But then he realized that God is made perfect when we are weak. And we can boast about HIS strength. Not our own. He is showing me that I don’t have to have superhuman strength because He does. And HE imparts his strength to me. And that gives me peace. Because I know that when I am weak … when my world is spinning … I am strong.